All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
