as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
