did you get engaged???
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
