It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
