I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
