in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
