Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm going to jail i love you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
