fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The air was thick with penises
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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