If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
