I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
