but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize