why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
