Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
