$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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