you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize