that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
