wakey wakey hands off snakey
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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