Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
