I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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