I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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