dude i'm inner monologue high
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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