Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
