Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
