My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
