____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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