Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
