sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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