i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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