i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mom said you looked used
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
