I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
