we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
