there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize