this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
