were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize