Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
