the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
