i think i have two assholes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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