I need help removing her.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
