I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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