hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
