Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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