I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
