I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
