Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
