I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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