He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
