they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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