my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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