Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
