My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
