i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
