I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
