I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
