FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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