Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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