So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
