dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
