You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
