I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
