It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
