Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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