Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize