Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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