What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
