How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
