We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
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