No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
