Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
