Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
