Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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