They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
